September 8, 4006
Hey everyone,
Been a..busy few days. This is going to be a long one.
So I caved. Dan’s been desperately and nonstop asking if I wanted to hang out. Again, he went on and on about how bad he wanted to visit the city. I finally relented. It couldn’t be so bad right?
Well, it was actually pretty impressive. Last time I visited Lonopolis was before the clones were created. To say it used to be a mess is an understatement. The clones cleaned that place up incredibly fast. They’re already working on new buildings. It’s probably the biggest refurbishment the place has seen in at least two thousand years.
We were exploring quite a bit. They’ve developed their own government—a council. It’s run by the purple girl who flicked me. (Aggravated assault is a great look for a politician!) I have no idea who the rest of the council members are. I just know that it’s certainly an interesting choice for a government.
We also discovered that there’s an entire church of clones dedicated to worshipping Stove. The church of Schnozism. Cute name. I don’t know if they’re worshipping, like, Stove himself or just that specific breed of clone. Do they consider Stove clones superior? It doesn’t make much sense the more you think about it.
One of the most frustrating things I discovered is that a huge subset of the Chris clones banded together and made a research facility. They’re the technological development center of clone society. It’s named “C-Tech” which I believe just stands for Chris Tech. That sounded awesome on paper! Until I realized I was banned from entering. Then it just upset me.
Even more annoying is they made their own “industrial” cloning machine that’s specifically designed to make clones that have mutations in order to repopulate—which is such a flawed idea! (And my machine is so so SO much better.) They’ve been advertising how much more powerful and efficient their machine is, which I highly doubt.
Because they’ve been creating new clones, I saw a whole bunch of clones I didn’t recognize. There’s so many more. They’re really different too—more unique. More mutations. Just a testament to how much better my machine is. Not really clones if they’re nothing like their subjects, are they?
The head of C-Tech is some clone named Christina. She walks around the city wearing this stupid lab outfit. Like, I get it. You’re supposed to be smart. Way to show off your “superior” intellect to the masses. Shows off how important you are.
…I walk around naked because I’m humble.
Anyways, back to the story…
We were exploring the depths of the city, seeing the sights and such, and that’s when Dan stumbled across a gym. He got excited because he’s never seen one before and had no idea what was inside. He ran inside excitedly, so we followed. Isaac and Stove were kinda just along for the ride.
Inside we met this ENORMOUS Chris clone. He called himself “Meatball”. I remember him. He was one of the clones from my cloning machine, but he looked much bigger now than he did before. Clearly he’s been working out. His enthusiasm was electric, I’m not even gonna lie. I’m not into all that gym nonsense but I can appreciate his passion at least.
After he gave us a tour of the facility, we kind of went off to do our own things. I started trying to lift. And of course, being as strong as I am, I was easily able to perform a 400 pound deadlift. Like I said, this gym stuff is beneath me.
…ahem. Anyway.
For the most part, our visit to the gym was nothing remarkable. Dan made a fort at one point using nothing but gym mats and weight plates. I was actually kind of impressed. Isaac and Stove were missing for most of the visit, and Dan eventually entertained himself by hopping on an exercise bike. Meatball had this little friend—the Dan clone that didn’t have any eyes. He kept popping in and out every so often, it seemed he was preoccupied.
Things were actually pretty relaxed. I was enjoying the one day off I’ve given myself—until Stove took things too far.
I don’t know what his issue with the gym was, but he seemed agitated. Stove more than anything hates when his comfort is compromised. He stormed into the gym while we were talking to Meatball, looking furious. Meatball tried to calm Stove down, but he was having another one of his tantrums. Stove, mid conversation, runs out of the gym. We were unsure what he was planning, but I could tell it was about to get bad. Stove has a tendency to fly off the handle when he’s upset.
And BOY did he fly off the handle…
He runs back inside holding a Molotov cocktail—a level of violence I’ve never before seen from Stove. He threw it while inside and started burning a towel rack. The fire spread quickly and started to overtake the gym. He slinked away before the entrance was engulfed in flames, leaving the rest of us to find an alternate way out. We found Isaac inside of a Jazzercise studio, with a whole crowd of people. He didn’t seem to understand the significance of the fact that there was a fire and we were in genuine danger. We were able to pull him and his “crew” out of the fire.
Poor meatball was devastated. I’ve never seen a man have a complete and total mental breakdown before.
Stove was unphased. Happy, even. He just destroyed a man’s livelihood and didn’t bat an eye. Of course, we tried to get out of there as fast as possible. The last thing I wanted right then was to see Stove get hauled off to prison.
On my way out I had a weird interaction with another one of my clones. The bowl cut one. He very aggressively elbowed me. I get the feeling that the clones will continue to harbor a grudge.
The visit to the city was, at the end of the day, kind of a mess? If the clones didn’t hate us then, they definitely do now.
What a week. Talk soon,
Chris.